Why Do I Struggle With Loving Myself?

For my daughter(s)…

Why Do I Struggle With Loving Myself

My mom was one of the youngest of 9 children, her father was poor and mean.  He’d line the kids up and the first one who laughed got a spanking.  Her mom died at the age of 40.  So, my mother grew up without the support and wisdom of parents who loved themselves by listening to themselves and supporting and trusting themselves. She grew up confused and afraid.

My mom and dad did the best they could (we all are), but they didn’t get along at all.  There was a war going on in my home as a child.  I wasn’t heard or encouraged to trust myself, but neglected, put down and told what to do and think.  How could my mom teach me to love myself, she didn’t know how to listen to herself or encourage herself or trust herself.  My mom died at 51 but not before she passed on the confusion and fear to me.

And then in my state of confusion and fear I had you.  I loved you dearly, as my mom had loved me, but I could still only give you what I had, confusion and fear.

You can look around and see that everybody is in the same boat about this.

I don’t know why or how, but like you I’ve always been very sensitive.  And when I was in my early 20’s I began to search for answers.  That search has led me to myself, to listening to myself and supporting myself and trusting myself.  I have become my own listening mother and supporting and trusting father.

And now, I can offer that clarity and self love to you.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  You are perfect and Life absolutely does know what it is up to when it comes to you.  No matter what the confusion and self doubt tell you.

When a child is heard and trusted they learn to do this for themselves. This is why I encourage you to listen to yourself and trust yourself. And you are growing marvelously…

And this entire scenario goes back as many generations as there are humans on the earth.  So you see, when I let my mom off the hook, I let myself off too.  And I understand that what I really need is to listen to myself and trust and encourage myself.  And, as I’ve worked on that each day, I’ve grown up, out of the fear and confusion and doubt and into clarity and self love. And now I have that to offer to others. And the understanding and growing never end.

I love you so, and you are certainly not alone.
Mom

Comments

  1. beautiful, Anne. thank you so much for sharing. this is one of the hardest lessons/gifts for people to get but one of the most crucial ones we are here to master in order to move to the next level of our own reconnection with Source/Spirit beyond this fascinatingly challenging world… truly a School of Life. thank you for being one of it’s star student/teachers.

    Love, Light, Gratitude and Namaste, Pheonyx
    http://theocgproject.com/2013/06/17/meeting-ourselves-halfway-by-pheonyx-roldan-smith/

  2. Thank you Pheonyx, it truly is an awesome and freeing understanding. there is nothing more wonderful than falling in love with ourselves, it means we fall in love with everybody, since we are One. very much love dear brother

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