The Measure
August 2nd, 2009
“The measure of our enlightenment is the degree to which we are comfortable with ambiguity, contradiction, and paradox.”
Deepak Chopra
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What Am I?
July 26th, 2009
Recently I read “True Meditation” by Adyashanti. He talks about changing identification away from ego, personality and mind. And toward the consciousness or spirit that we truly are. From this new perspective he teaches that our ego, personality and mind are extensions of us as spirit or consciousness. I have heard Abraham say we are extensions of nonphysical for a very long time, but I never quite put it together until now.
As I read the words and followed along with my attention I realized that something had happened to me. I understood, but I have understood for a long time, I knew, but even that word doesn’t really reach all the way around my experience. I moved to a new place within myself. It was not so obvious at the time. Now that several days have passed I am amazed at the nature of the change for me.
Some examples are, I was talking to Ken this morning, going on and on about something I was thinking of. And I had the thought that I have had many times, “I am talking a lot”. Usually I follow this with another thought like, that’s ok or I’d rather not talk so much, or wow a lot of talking. But today I followed up with, that’s just my personality. I love to dance, and I wanted to go dancing with Ken last night. Instead of my normal thinking about this, which is sometimes wondering if that is going to be good for me. I thought, that is just part of my personality. When I watch others I see the difference between their mind or their personality and who they are.
I have given up all exclusion, all is me, some parts are extensions of me for the purpose of experienceing here. I also realize that spirit enjoys every touch of life that goes on here. If I start to feel afraid of something I no longer need to consciously find a better feeling thought, now I just immediately know that I am wonderfully whole and well and safe. How could I not be. This puts my mind at rest.
I am thankful to Adyashanti, this is the first book of his I have read. I have been doing my own work and staying on my own path. But somehow the consciousness that I am put me in touch with the words that moved me from here to there.
I feel a freedom from care, concern and worry for myself and others that I have not understood or experienced before. Also, others, when I look in their eyes I know who they are and their personality, ego and mind are secondary. Just extensions. Valuable extensions.
I have been waiting in a place of not knowing what is next for a while now. I am thankful for this shift of identification and for my beautiful friend Adyashanti.
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Living In My Body
July 23rd, 2009
After all is said and done, after all the ideas and questions and wondering and feeling, who are we? Really, who am I? Who are you? We are consciousness. And where does that consciousness reside? Where does it not reside? It resides everywhere. In every leaf, in every eye, in every drop of rain.
As I look around on other blogs on the subject of spirituality there is a lot of sharing of ideas about spirituality and about who we are and even about consciousness. As much as I love the writers and their words, that’s not where I find consciousness. I find it in my body. Not in my mind. My mind has helped me and continues to help me. I couldn’t be here without my mind. It does an untold number of tasks, some in the background and some that I am aware of. But, it isn’t where I find consciousness. My mind has helped me to uncover and understand and untangle. It is my very good friend. It is not where I find consciousness.
I find counciousness in my body. That is where I reside. That is where I wait for the unknown to become known. I thought it was in my mind. But, it’s not. It’s in my body. I live in my body. How amazing this realization is for me. And how much I am loved and love. How much is all that I desire and love moving toward me, now. I just Am. Here. Now.
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A New Vantage Point
July 16th, 2009
As I awake from my slumber I find myself at a new awareness about money. It would have been the job of my father to teach me about many things. Trusting myself and listening to my voice within and valuing that voice would have been helpful. So, as I now awaken to my own awareness of the value of this I am also keenly aware of many times in my life when I knew better, but didn’t have the courage, or knowing or whatever to stand up for what I thought. This is nowhere more keenly felt that in the area of money. I have listened to others so I could be loved and accepted and perceived as loving, etc. all my life. Now I can easily see where I knew what would have been the best and I let somebody else decide for us and I followed like I had no head.
As you can probably tell from the tone of this post I am angry with myself about this. My sun is in Taurus and my rising sign is Capricorn. These are both signs that are good with money. I always knew how to handle money, I knew, I remember knowing, but I didn’t have the self assertion needed to speak up and be heard. It is so silly too, I let somebody, a lot of somebodies make the decisions about the money.
Well, not any more. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t really care about having a lot of things. But I do see now that life doesn’t have to be lived on the edge. There is an easy spot. I can see now that it isn’t that hard to find. I can also see that enough money has always easily flowed into my life. I just didn’t speak up about what we did with it.
I am not mad at those who took responsibility for our money. I am not even mad at my Dad who stripped me of my courage and my own right to make my life the way I want it. Well maybe I am a little mad at my Dad. But I am really mad at me. I am not afraid of anger. I know that it always is part of my growth and part of my new understanding. I see anger as the feeling of my own energy coming forth.
It is a new day for me and my family. Now I will teach my children what I didn’t teach them before, even if it is just by example at first. And I will gently and easily guide our money to a place of peace. I love this waking up stuff. I never know where it will lead me next, but it is always practical and helpful to my life right now.
I appreciate all of you who tune in here for my latest updates along my path.
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Moving Further Along My Path
July 12th, 2009
When I was a very young girl, very young, my father yelled a lot. He never really wanted children, he finally sucumbed to my mothers pressure and I was born. I don’t have a lot of memories before I was 4 but I do know that he didn’t want to hear from me much. I believe he loved me in his way. But he really didn’t want me to exist. He wanted me to shut up and go away and let him be.
I’ve worked my way back through my life, changing my ideas and decisions along the way. For a while I worked with my mind on a logical level. Discovering my own hidden thoughts that create powerlessness and changing my mind in my own favor, thus empowering myself. But then something happened and I couldn’t deal with my ideas of myself with my mind any more and I knew it was time to let go of that way.
Since then I’ve been freeing myself of emotionally charged nonlogical beleifs about myself. Those I picked up, mostly from my parents, before the age of 9 or 10. While I was in the time of associative thinking. The stategy for detatching myself from these erroneous self views is different. Now all I can do is feel and wait. I usually have some idea of what is going on, but not really a way to help myself other than allowing the One I’ve come to trust to see me through.
The situation I describe above is one of those prelogic self views. I can feel it. I feel fear that I will go too far, express too much, or say the wrong thing. I am getting through this. I know that I am. And I also know that when I do I will feel the freedom of a thousand hearts opening. I will have found the me that I was before I was supressed by my very loud father. I very much want to regain this pure and loving view of myself. I want her to feel free to express herself as she chooses. I want her to let go of controlling herself so she feels safe and just be. And I want to give up the voice of my Dad that still lingers that scares me into not opening all the way.
I have come to the place on my journey where even when I am feeling the pain of retrieving a lost part of myself I am still able to feel and know that I am loved and safe. And I’ll say it again, I know that when I get through this storm and regain that innocent little girl part of me all of the heavens will open to me and I will be feel completely back in the flow of grace and love that defys description. I am loved, I know that, not with my head, but with every cell of my being. I am loved and I can only imagine how things will look from the perspective of this free little girl part of me. Each movement back, or inward leaves me at a new vantage point. I can see just who we are more and more and I can know my connection to my Source, the One, the All That Is.
There is true beauty in my life. I am loved and I want to share what I’ve learned. Let me know if I can be of service to you in some way as you travel your personal path of enlightenment.
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Riding Into The Unknown
July 7th, 2009
This post goes with the previous poem about death. It is a clarification, if you will, about what I was asking for.
Riding into the unknown, death really is unknown, and it can be scary, what would make a normally sane person call out to the unknown, in the form of death, in a way that brings it to her? Desire, the pure desire for the One. Having been in the delightful energy of being loved by the One, I want more, all other desires pale in comparison. I’ve tasted the pure, fresh breath of knowing and being known. I want it only. There is a giving up, always, in order to have something more. It is only my ideas that get in the way.
More and more we can go, deeper and deeper into who we are, dropping, little by little, all false ideas, needs, and beliefs. Giving up completely. Letting it all go, again, for what? What keeps you moving forward? Have you really found something that has changed your life? Don’t you want more of it? But what if I have to let go of something I want to keep, you say? I have never let go of anything I wanted to keep, the One has a way of creating everything in my favor, so that by the time I am giving something up, I am ready and I understand enough of what is going on that I am no longer afraid, and I want to give it up , because I can see how I am held back by it. 
I have come to trust the One enough to be willing to allow myself to be freed of all unnecessary weight. Just like letting go of the body when we leave this earth realm. It is enough to listen to myself today; and then tomorrow, again listen to myself; and on and on. Finding the lost ecstasy of union more and more with each opening. Being filled with an overflow of indescribable sweetness.
Teach yourself not to be afraid of death. We are eternal beings, nothing can change that, and nothing can ever harm us, nothing.
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All That I Need
July 1st, 2009
Everything I need to know, I know.
Everything I need to have, I have.
Everything I need to do, I do.
Everything that needs to be said, is said.
Everybody I need to meet, I meet.
Anything I need to take care of, I take care of.
All that I need to be, for all that I want to be, I am.
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Getting Clearer
June 24th, 2009
Yesterday I wrote about a new value of myself. Today I am having another new awareness. I want to write a book. I know I’ve already written a book. But now I want a book I write to be read and talked about by influential people so that many will read it. What has changed? I know why I want to write it. Before when I would think about writing and being published and well known I would have this voice saying some variation of , “you want to be famous so others will think you are valuable and you know you must think yourself valuable first.” This may seem like a harmless thought, even a true one, but it stopped me in my tracks.
As I turn the corner on a new value for myself I can see that there is much more here than I previously understood. I love, love, love to interact with others on my blog and on theirs. I love writing and others commenting and me commenting back. I love reading what others write and leaving a comment and then them commenting on what I say. I love this interaction. I really do. All the way through me.
So now I can understand a clear motive for writing a book, because I love to write and I want to interact with others. I want them to send me emails and tell me what they are thinking and I want to respond. I want to meet with my readers and commune around the ideas. It’s not about receiving value it’s about reveling in and enjoying the love.
How good it feels to allow my desire to fully come forth without any judgment, and with a pure understanding of what I want. And now……I can allow this fully allowed desire to come forth. I don’t know any details yet, and I don’t even care. I know that loving and allowing and valuing and cherishing my desire will bring it to being. I know this. I’ve experienced it too many times.
I only had this realization just a little while ago and I went into Ken’s office to tell him. (Ken is my husband and he works from home.) While I was telling him, he looked over at his computer and the clock said 11:11. I always love this number, it means alignment to me, (I got the idea from Esther Hicks). But then his eyes got big and he looked closer and right above that number was 111111, the total number of emails in his inbox. I do feel so in alignment with this awareness. I so appreciate the universe conspiring to bring my attention to this, it makes me feel so loved.
My new value is about how much I love writing and about how much I love interacting with all of you. And that I can and will take it further. Wow. Pretty good I think. xoxo Anne
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Better Feeling Thought, Decisions, The Path of Love, Waking Up, what do I want | 6 Comments »
I Am A Human Being
June 17th, 2009
I live in a body, or with it, I don’t really know.
I am part of a large group of human beings
and part of a larger group of all beings
and part of an even larger One.
I eat and sleep and think and feel and Am.
These are gifts I give myself.
I am created from and am also part of a greater being.
My essence is that of my creator.
I love and enjoy and Am.
I am free to choose all that I desire,
my connection to my essence makes this possible.
Mostly I choose my connection, really.
I love being this human.
I live in a place of wonderment and beauty called earth,
my home sits in a greater place with bodies called stars and planets,
again I don’t know much about this.
I can feel myself and I can feel my immediate environment.
I feel whole and complete and yet I know I am becoming.
I feel individual and also connected.
I Am.
I experience myself in many ways.
Peaceful, joyful, appreciative, loving, friendly,
helpful, knowing, waiting, allowing, trusting, wondering.
Sometimes afraid or angry,
but not often and not for long, not any more.
But most of all, I love being—here—now—a human being.
Just me, all, pure, untangled.
This is what I came here for.
To be me, to experience me, to love me, all of me.
To see through these eyes and hear through these ears.
And live and love and enjoy.
Distinct and connected.
Alive and limited, alive and unlimited. All and nothing.
A human being, my very own creation.
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Glass Half Full
June 9th, 2009
Have you ever noticed how much we talk about problems, or about what we don’t want or about helping others (which implies they need help), or how to get more money (which implies we don’t have enough), or this or that or whatever?!
Two days ago something happened to me, I don’t know what to call it, but I know what’s different. Suddenly and without warning, I am noticing what a good day people are having. Everybody I meet has plenty to be thankful for in my eye. The server, has a job. The lady at the bank knows well what she is doing and has a comfortable job. The man at the restaurant is enjoying his food. My children are having the life of their choosing and are right on track. All that I want comes easily to me. I just know this now. No more struggle, no more judgment. Just lovely people having their day. And all really is well. There is so much to enjoy and be thankful for, so much. I can see this now. And suddenly the cup is half full. And the issues people are working with aren’t problems but opportunities to move toward that which they want. It is a kind of opening. Without fear, opening.
This has come right on the heels of another beautiful awareness I have been having. And that is one of surrendering and trusting everything, one by one, to my Greater All Knowing Self. Me, trusting me. Really trusting, no more control. No more figuring anything out. But just waiting for answers to come. And clarity to come. And it comes, easily and freely.
The surrendering has come just after ending my own personal work. Well, I guess we never really end our process of maturity, but a long chapter has closed, after almost two years of intense personal searching and questioning. I talk a lot about this in my blog posts. In fact, that is the reason I am writing this here. This blog and my book document the path I’ve taken toward awakening. Not that it has any great importance, only that I want to keep the remembrance.
Life is new, it’s not what I thought it would be. It is fresh and free and really peaceful.
I know a post like this may or may not feel so good to you. And that’s ok. But, if it’s what you want, I can show you how to get here. Either by reading and applying the ideas in my free book and blog posts or by contacting me. I won’t waste your time. I’ll work with you freely in love and freshness. Or not. I am allowing my teaching to unfold in the timing and ways of my greater nonphysical Self. And I know what I need to know, as I need to know it. And I……. am really enjoying the peace and love and joy.
I can’t imagine what might come along to knock me away from my connection. But if it does, I am trusting myself to stay aware and come back to myself.
Thanks to everybody who follows along here with me. I love and appreciate you.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Better Feeling Thought, Decisions, How do I proceed, Letting Go, Waking Up, What is Enlightenment, alchemy | 11 Comments »