What Am I?
July 26th, 2009
Recently I read “True Meditation” by Adyashanti. He talks about changing identification away from ego, personality and mind. And toward the consciousness or spirit that we truly are. From this new perspective he teaches that our ego, personality and mind are extensions of us as spirit or consciousness. I have heard Abraham say we are extensions of nonphysical for a very long time, but I never quite put it together until now.
As I read the words and followed along with my attention I realized that something had happened to me. I understood, but I have understood for a long time, I knew, but even that word doesn’t really reach all the way around my experience. I moved to a new place within myself. It was not so obvious at the time. Now that several days have passed I am amazed at the nature of the change for me.
Some examples are, I was talking to Ken this morning, going on and on about something I was thinking of. And I had the thought that I have had many times, “I am talking a lot”. Usually I follow this with another thought like, that’s ok or I’d rather not talk so much, or wow a lot of talking. But today I followed up with, that’s just my personality. I love to dance, and I wanted to go dancing with Ken last night. Instead of my normal thinking about this, which is sometimes wondering if that is going to be good for me. I thought, that is just part of my personality. When I watch others I see the difference between their mind or their personality and who they are.
I have given up all exclusion, all is me, some parts are extensions of me for the purpose of experienceing here. I also realize that spirit enjoys every touch of life that goes on here. If I start to feel afraid of something I no longer need to consciously find a better feeling thought, now I just immediately know that I am wonderfully whole and well and safe. How could I not be. This puts my mind at rest.
I am thankful to Adyashanti, this is the first book of his I have read. I have been doing my own work and staying on my own path. But somehow the consciousness that I am put me in touch with the words that moved me from here to there.
I feel a freedom from care, concern and worry for myself and others that I have not understood or experienced before. Also, others, when I look in their eyes I know who they are and their personality, ego and mind are secondary. Just extensions. Valuable extensions.
I have been waiting in a place of not knowing what is next for a while now. I am thankful for this shift of identification and for my beautiful friend Adyashanti.
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Moving Further Along My Path
July 12th, 2009
When I was a very young girl, very young, my father yelled a lot. He never really wanted children, he finally sucumbed to my mothers pressure and I was born. I don’t have a lot of memories before I was 4 but I do know that he didn’t want to hear from me much. I believe he loved me in his way. But he really didn’t want me to exist. He wanted me to shut up and go away and let him be.
I’ve worked my way back through my life, changing my ideas and decisions along the way. For a while I worked with my mind on a logical level. Discovering my own hidden thoughts that create powerlessness and changing my mind in my own favor, thus empowering myself. But then something happened and I couldn’t deal with my ideas of myself with my mind any more and I knew it was time to let go of that way.
Since then I’ve been freeing myself of emotionally charged nonlogical beleifs about myself. Those I picked up, mostly from my parents, before the age of 9 or 10. While I was in the time of associative thinking. The stategy for detatching myself from these erroneous self views is different. Now all I can do is feel and wait. I usually have some idea of what is going on, but not really a way to help myself other than allowing the One I’ve come to trust to see me through.
The situation I describe above is one of those prelogic self views. I can feel it. I feel fear that I will go too far, express too much, or say the wrong thing. I am getting through this. I know that I am. And I also know that when I do I will feel the freedom of a thousand hearts opening. I will have found the me that I was before I was supressed by my very loud father. I very much want to regain this pure and loving view of myself. I want her to feel free to express herself as she chooses. I want her to let go of controlling herself so she feels safe and just be. And I want to give up the voice of my Dad that still lingers that scares me into not opening all the way.
I have come to the place on my journey where even when I am feeling the pain of retrieving a lost part of myself I am still able to feel and know that I am loved and safe. And I’ll say it again, I know that when I get through this storm and regain that innocent little girl part of me all of the heavens will open to me and I will be feel completely back in the flow of grace and love that defys description. I am loved, I know that, not with my head, but with every cell of my being. I am loved and I can only imagine how things will look from the perspective of this free little girl part of me. Each movement back, or inward leaves me at a new vantage point. I can see just who we are more and more and I can know my connection to my Source, the One, the All That Is.
There is true beauty in my life. I am loved and I want to share what I’ve learned. Let me know if I can be of service to you in some way as you travel your personal path of enlightenment.
Filed under: The Path of Love, Waking Up, alchemy | 2 Comments »
Riding Into The Unknown
July 7th, 2009
This post goes with the previous poem about death. It is a clarification, if you will, about what I was asking for.
Riding into the unknown, death really is unknown, and it can be scary, what would make a normally sane person call out to the unknown, in the form of death, in a way that brings it to her? Desire, the pure desire for the One. Having been in the delightful energy of being loved by the One, I want more, all other desires pale in comparison. I’ve tasted the pure, fresh breath of knowing and being known. I want it only. There is a giving up, always, in order to have something more. It is only my ideas that get in the way.
More and more we can go, deeper and deeper into who we are, dropping, little by little, all false ideas, needs, and beliefs. Giving up completely. Letting it all go, again, for what? What keeps you moving forward? Have you really found something that has changed your life? Don’t you want more of it? But what if I have to let go of something I want to keep, you say? I have never let go of anything I wanted to keep, the One has a way of creating everything in my favor, so that by the time I am giving something up, I am ready and I understand enough of what is going on that I am no longer afraid, and I want to give it up , because I can see how I am held back by it. 
I have come to trust the One enough to be willing to allow myself to be freed of all unnecessary weight. Just like letting go of the body when we leave this earth realm. It is enough to listen to myself today; and then tomorrow, again listen to myself; and on and on. Finding the lost ecstasy of union more and more with each opening. Being filled with an overflow of indescribable sweetness.
Teach yourself not to be afraid of death. We are eternal beings, nothing can change that, and nothing can ever harm us, nothing.
Filed under: Better Feeling Thought, Letting Go, Waking Up, alchemy | 4 Comments »
Stillness
June 11th, 2009
Within the last month or so I’ve come to a new experience in myself. There is a pervading stillness, not something I work to hold on to or meditate to bring about. Just a stillness that is there anytime I notice it. I still talk to others and watch movies, and give my attention to cleaning house or working on one of my projects. But while I am occupied and when I am done, there it is, a stillness and quietness.
I do know how I got here. I spent almost two years in personal inquiry, kind of like what Byron Katie does, kind of like the work of the Western Mystery Schools. But for sure my own private personal work of asking the hard questions and listening for the answers. Some days during the past two years I have spent 4 or more hours a day on this work. Every day, and I mean every day, at least 2 hours. Early morning, quiet hours with my journal and my tarot cards and my green tea. Writing and feeling and asking and being met by mySelf who knows. I journal this in my book and my blog. Then as abruptly as I started I knew I was finished with that work, that I had used my mind to understand and realized and know and that coupled with my desire and determination had brought me to completion. I went through my parents each of them and my children each of them and I found the projections and the forgotten decisions and I rewired myself with new ideas about my world and myself. And I cried and laughed and brought myself to anger and let go of everything you can imagine. It was my own path, a beautiful path and all the while I knew I would come to what I wanted.
And I have…… I have come to see the joy and love and beauty in everything, everything, and I have come to really love myself and I’ve become faithful to myself. And I’ve come to feel the most wonderful love flowing from me to others. But the most astonishing and wonderful and beautiful thing is this peace and stillness.
When I came to the end of my personal work, I knew it was time to let go of what I called “figuring things out”. So when I would find myself figuring I would stop and wait for the answer. This waiting for the answer is something I have done here and there over the last 30 years. But now it became something I applied to everything. Then came a knowing that i was never really doing anything, that it was always I who was at the helm of my life. So I gave up all worry and concern, and began to let go very deeply about anything that was lingering. And then this most wonderful peace came. The silence and the stillness.
I am still human, of course, and I still have some emotion, but it is nothing like it used to be and it is mostly tears of thankfulness for where I’ve come from to where I am. And I know that every day of my life has been valuable and wonderful. Even if I didn’t know it then, I know it now.
I’ve tried not to write too much about my success so that I wouldn’t engage in anything that isn’t humble and gentle. But this is the post that comes to me and I won’t be afraid to write as I know and trust that I, the One me, writes and lives and is.
Many loving thoughts of you, the greater part of me; from me, a small part of you.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, How do I proceed, Letting Go, The Path of Love, alchemy | 9 Comments »
Glass Half Full
June 9th, 2009
Have you ever noticed how much we talk about problems, or about what we don’t want or about helping others (which implies they need help), or how to get more money (which implies we don’t have enough), or this or that or whatever?!
Two days ago something happened to me, I don’t know what to call it, but I know what’s different. Suddenly and without warning, I am noticing what a good day people are having. Everybody I meet has plenty to be thankful for in my eye. The server, has a job. The lady at the bank knows well what she is doing and has a comfortable job. The man at the restaurant is enjoying his food. My children are having the life of their choosing and are right on track. All that I want comes easily to me. I just know this now. No more struggle, no more judgment. Just lovely people having their day. And all really is well. There is so much to enjoy and be thankful for, so much. I can see this now. And suddenly the cup is half full. And the issues people are working with aren’t problems but opportunities to move toward that which they want. It is a kind of opening. Without fear, opening.
This has come right on the heels of another beautiful awareness I have been having. And that is one of surrendering and trusting everything, one by one, to my Greater All Knowing Self. Me, trusting me. Really trusting, no more control. No more figuring anything out. But just waiting for answers to come. And clarity to come. And it comes, easily and freely.
The surrendering has come just after ending my own personal work. Well, I guess we never really end our process of maturity, but a long chapter has closed, after almost two years of intense personal searching and questioning. I talk a lot about this in my blog posts. In fact, that is the reason I am writing this here. This blog and my book document the path I’ve taken toward awakening. Not that it has any great importance, only that I want to keep the remembrance.
Life is new, it’s not what I thought it would be. It is fresh and free and really peaceful.
I know a post like this may or may not feel so good to you. And that’s ok. But, if it’s what you want, I can show you how to get here. Either by reading and applying the ideas in my free book and blog posts or by contacting me. I won’t waste your time. I’ll work with you freely in love and freshness. Or not. I am allowing my teaching to unfold in the timing and ways of my greater nonphysical Self. And I know what I need to know, as I need to know it. And I……. am really enjoying the peace and love and joy.
I can’t imagine what might come along to knock me away from my connection. But if it does, I am trusting myself to stay aware and come back to myself.
Thanks to everybody who follows along here with me. I love and appreciate you.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Better Feeling Thought, Decisions, How do I proceed, Letting Go, Waking Up, What is Enlightenment, alchemy | 11 Comments »
Trusting and Allowing Myself
June 4th, 2009
I am coming to know that when I simply allow myself to be, whatever I am at the moment, I free myself to become who I really want to be. And after all this time of wanting and working to be me so much and wanting to grow so much I realize that I can have all that I want without giving up anything I really want, and that I can have it all.
I’ve never given up anything, I’ve really only gained. Because letting go of something was always about letting go of my perception about something and finding another, much more helpful way to see it.
When I allow me, just as I am, whether it be to sit for two or four hours to watch TV or whether it be to eat a bag of candy, I am knowing that when I do that, allow myself what I really want this moment, I am loving myself, I am not fighting with myself, I am not criticizing my self , I am not trying to make myself do something. I am just gently lovingly and allowing myself to be, this is where my freedom starts. And soon, after I let go of all judgment of myself I feel loved and cared for and I don’t want that candy, I just don’t want it right now, and I want to clean house instead of just sitting there watching TV.
And so much more importantly I stop the fight. I just stop. And I let love come back into my life. I open up to trust myself and when I do that I open up to trust Myself. Things start to move and loosen up and I get ideas about things I want, new ways of seeing come to me, Things start to drift by me that I want. I feel loved and honored and respected and cherished and then, I know that I was here all along. Me- one with all that is.
And then something really fantastic happens, I can love others in the way I’ve always wanted to, and I can feel that love flowing through me. And it is such a joyous feeling, to know that I’ve come home to myself. And that I accept and allow myself to be and the life I have been dreaming of actually begins to come to pass right before my eyes.
I am love and I open to it. That little girl that I knew so long ago who just loved openly, has come back to me. And now I know how to love her and embrace her and allow her to be.
And if I hit a snag and all I want to do is eat candy, I’m going to let myself, because I know if allowed to be I will snap right back to remembering my own energy and my own being. I trust myself and I am one.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Decisions, How do I proceed, Letting Go, The Path of Love, Waking Up, alchemy | No Comments »
Life After Death
May 29th, 2009
My last post was a sharing of my experience of a mini death. Now I want to share about the new life that has come as a result of the death.
I awoke this morning curious about the day, as usual. A few weeks ago I let go of my early morning 
routine that I’d been in for almost two years now. I knew the time had come for something else. So today, I decided to take a walk. As I walked I gently and easily became aware of the beauty of each thing I passed. And I became aware of how I have judged as I have walked before. As I walked by a yard that was well kept and beautiful I would admire it and enjoy it and as I walked by a yard that had junk and trash and wasn’t kept I’d wonder how they could live like this. But not today, today I knew that each yard was beautiful in it’s own way. I saw each weed as perfectly placed. Each bit of trash as lovely and perfect. And I awoke, more to the knowing that all is beautiful and all is just as planned and all is God. The words are course and don’t really carry the realization as I was having it and still am having it.
After my walk and as my day progressed I knew with each event or thought or word that each one was just as it should be, just perfect, in love. And that all that is around me is beautiful. There is nothing to fight with, nothing to judge, nothing to bother with. There really is only love.
I share this with you as a continuation of my last post about death. I have come to know, over time, that death brings a new way of seeing. A deeper understanding of just who we all are. And how beautiful we all are. And a more clear knowing that all I can really do is interfere with that which the One has firmly in hand unless I release, and allow. And even in the interfering I am beautiful, because nothing can ever really be out of place or wrong. And it’s all perfectly ok, just as it is, no matter how it is. Really.
And then I become the one I was when I first arrived. Fresh and free and wild, as Rumi put it…. And part of the garden. And even as I say these words I know if I had never had this awareness I would still be as perfect as I am with the awareness.
My love
Anne
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Allowing That Which You Really Are
May 21st, 2009
“You are killing more of each other every day over your quarrels over religion than all other things put together, because you cannot even come to an agreement about what you think God says, or wants for you. On one side of the world God wants something different than the other. On one side of the room, in one side of your mind, God wants something different than on the other. The power is within you. You are extensions of this powerful Source Energy. You are literally God expressing in this physical body. And so, as you are standing in a thought, or in a word, or in an action that feels good to you as you are standing there–then you are fully open and allowing all of that Divine Energy to flow through you. And in that moment you are all that you said you would be when you decided to come forth into this body. You are the extension of pure positive energy. You are in your full creative power. You are thriving. You are clear-minded. You are joyful. You are filled with love. You are who you are–you are allowing that which you really are.”
— Abraham
I love Abraham. These words of wisdom seem to cut through any confusion or concepts or misunderstandings. They remind me that I want to offer my words here on my blog, knowing that I am speaking to myself first and foremost. After that, if you or another reader finds clairity or love in them then that is my desire. This is a personal journey we are on and nobody knows what is between you and your voice better than you. I appreciate so much this entire collaboration, Abraham speaking, you and me listening and valuing. Thanks for stopping by and for reading.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Better Feeling Thought, Decisions, How do I proceed, I am a human being, Letting Go, The Path of Love, Waking Up, alchemy | 2 Comments »
Unity, Wholeness, and The Absolute!
May 18th, 2009
The Ego and the Self! This is a polarity, a division, a split! We are – all that is. We just are!
All the things we call ego are just the distorted us.
Distorted for lack of attention!
Paying attention to our own voices, listening to, asking questions and understanding. This is becoming aware, this is waking up!
Then making new decisions about what we want to embrace and letting go of what doesn’t serve us any more.
All that is, is you, me, us. All of it. Is there anything that you can point to and say——-NOT GOD!
No-All God-All You!
Wake-Up and begin to listen to yourself. Do you think your parents listened to themselves, do you think their parents did?
Listen and stop judging yourself.
Every time you call anything “Ego” you are splitting yourself away and it is a judgment.
Stop judging and listen! Listen! Listen! And then unconditionally love what you hear!
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Listening for Our True Voice
May 15th, 2009
Before you read the words here, I want to acknowledge their clumsiness, I speak them from love and with trust.
It seems that fear captures any ideas it can to keep us under control. Using teachings from any spiritual tradition or way to disallow union.
Instead of listening to themselves and understanding I notice many choose to meditate away or stop thinking.
There is a place to give up thinking and for meditation but not to shut down the voice of the inner child that hasn’t ever been heard. I feel it’s imperative to listen to and hear that child and value what is heard and offer comfort and come to understanding. And then to redecide.
The more we listen and value the more we free the voice of ourselves. And the more that voice comes forward and the more we become ourselves.
Spiritual development doesn’t mean getting better and better at quelling the inner voice and emotion so that we don’t feel the stress of our separation. It means listening and allowing ourselves and redeciding and trusting so that we don’t need systems and ways to handle the stress.
The old stresses disappear and new open free life comes forward. And we are no longer usings skills to cope.
Our true self is free to move forward with life enjoying new views and realizing every desire, and openly trusting life.
I don’t speak from anything I read or was taught, I speak from my own experience of finding and listening to my own child’s voice and learning to value that precious voice. And becoming trustworthy (learning not to judge or turn on myself) and being there for myself.
Then, and only then, that person, the real me, little by little has surfaced.
She’s found freedom It’s my job now to stay awake and continure to listen and allow and value.
I offer these words as gently as I know with great love.
Filed under: Anne's Favorites, Decisions, Letting Go, Waking Up, What is Enlightenment, alchemy | 4 Comments »